StepDaddyBlog.com

Although it was yesterday, I still wanted to post about my Valentine’s Day.  I thought it was important for me to make it special for the 5yr old girl in my life.  I let her choose where we ate, I gave her a card, and I told her that I loved her.  She was in heaven!  I tell her that I love her everyday, but Valentine’s Day is just an excuse to spoil the significant others in your life.

Now, tonight is mommy and I time.  I already got her 2 dozen roses and I’m taking her to a nice place to eat tonight.  It’s our first Valentine’s together.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.

Patience is so hard to master. You have to remind yourself constantly not to react certain ways or get impatient with your child. I used to think I was pretty patient, but children constantly remind me that I’m not!

Try taking a deep breath and calming yourself next time you’re child is nagging you, throwing a temper tantrum, disobeying, or whatever it is that they do that sets you off. Remind yourself that you are in control and that you must react a certain way in order to achieve what you want.

Yelling at them, throwing a temper tantrum, etc will usually just make things worse. I’m guilty of yelling myself. I’m a retired Marine and yelling is a built in function of mine; not to mention that I have a deep, loud voice anyway. If you throw a temper tantrum then that is showing them that it’s ok to act that way when things aren’t going your way.

This is probably the most common of problems among step parents, from what I’ve been told by other step parents. How do you make a child respect and obey you? Well, the answer is, you don’t. You can’t make a child do anything. You can discipline, threaten discipline, bribe, etc. If that child won’t bend to your will and obey you then that’s their choice.

There are some things you can do to increase their respect for you. First, the same thing I’ve said in a previous post is “time well spent”. If you spend quality time with your step child then they will draw closer to you, and hopefully, respect you more.

Another way to increase respect is consistency. Tonight I took all of us to dinner and I didn’t realize that I was being inconsistent with what I was telling the 5 year old until my girlfriend said something. I had to stop, think, and realize what I was doing. Consistency will not only reduce their confusion, but it will also let them know their boundaries. Pay close attention to this for a week and see how you do. You may surprise yourself.

So what happens when you are alone with your step child(ren) and they are misbehaving or being directly defiant? You should know before you are alone with them. You need to have this conversation with your significant other early on in the relationship. If they agree that you can discipline as you see fit, then that doesn’t mean you can go crazy on the child(ren). Please use discretion at all times! If your significant other tells you that they would rather do all of the disciplining, then you should respect that. As hard as it is, you must respect that decision in order to make the relationship work.

I added a Gallery to the site.  Right now it has some pictures of the kids in it.  I will be adding more soon.

I was like a deer caught in the headlights the first time I heard this from my soon-to-be 5 year old step daughter. I didn’t know what to say or how to react. I wanted to be upset, and then I felt stupid for being upset, and then I just wanted to pick her up and hug her. I think all of these are normal responses.

As a man, I’m naturally competitive. So, of course I’m going to want her to want me more, but that’s wrong and immature of me. I encourage her to love her dad and spend time with him. Her dad and I don’t know each other very well yet, but I can tell already that he loves her with all of his heart and would do anything for her. I completely respect her relationship with him and will never get in the way of that.

But, I want her to want me too, so how do I do this? Well, spending time together and doing things that she wants to do is a good start! If she behaves then we play Mario Kart on her Nintendo Gamecube that I got her for Christmas this past year. When time and finances allow, her mother and I like to take her to do fun things, like a local amusement park. I think the next thing I want to take her to do is ice skating, but I’m still trying to find something that she’s never done before.

Buying toys and things for a child is great and all, but nothing will build a lasting relationship with a child like ‘time well spent’.

Hi, my name is Brad, and I’m a soon-to-be step dad. This blog is all about my experiences, lessons, and advice as I start this “adventure” into being a step dad.