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Patience is so hard to master. You have to remind yourself constantly not to react certain ways or get impatient with your child. I used to think I was pretty patient, but children constantly remind me that I’m not!

Try taking a deep breath and calming yourself next time you’re child is nagging you, throwing a temper tantrum, disobeying, or whatever it is that they do that sets you off. Remind yourself that you are in control and that you must react a certain way in order to achieve what you want.

Yelling at them, throwing a temper tantrum, etc will usually just make things worse. I’m guilty of yelling myself. I’m a retired Marine and yelling is a built in function of mine; not to mention that I have a deep, loud voice anyway. If you throw a temper tantrum then that is showing them that it’s ok to act that way when things aren’t going your way.

This is probably the most common of problems among step parents, from what I’ve been told by other step parents. How do you make a child respect and obey you? Well, the answer is, you don’t. You can’t make a child do anything. You can discipline, threaten discipline, bribe, etc. If that child won’t bend to your will and obey you then that’s their choice.

There are some things you can do to increase their respect for you. First, the same thing I’ve said in a previous post is “time well spent”. If you spend quality time with your step child then they will draw closer to you, and hopefully, respect you more.

Another way to increase respect is consistency. Tonight I took all of us to dinner and I didn’t realize that I was being inconsistent with what I was telling the 5 year old until my girlfriend said something. I had to stop, think, and realize what I was doing. Consistency will not only reduce their confusion, but it will also let them know their boundaries. Pay close attention to this for a week and see how you do. You may surprise yourself.

So what happens when you are alone with your step child(ren) and they are misbehaving or being directly defiant? You should know before you are alone with them. You need to have this conversation with your significant other early on in the relationship. If they agree that you can discipline as you see fit, then that doesn’t mean you can go crazy on the child(ren). Please use discretion at all times! If your significant other tells you that they would rather do all of the disciplining, then you should respect that. As hard as it is, you must respect that decision in order to make the relationship work.